Unsure

Hi everyone its been like one day since I wrote in my blogger. I don't know why I am feeling mad right now maybe I just don't understand anything anymore maybe I should learn to be more selfish about life or maybe just ended it I don't know what I am feeling sometimes mostly depressed and then mostly sad. I want to think about myself but when It comes to my bet friend I like her a lot but then again today my stupid friend blew me off and went to see my old teachers and also went without me. I hate him and the rest of people I have in contact with I try to be nice to them and they totally hurt me. I like my old friends but they seem like their becoming more distant with their own schools I know the world doesn't revolve around me but at least try to care am I the only one trying to keep our friendship together? Not even my lousy boyfriend wasn't online and still isn't so my Columbus day was horrible even Ms.Witch didn't even want me to have any type of contact with my own COUSIN'S you can say my life is crap and more than crap it is GARBAGE. I try to become happy and everyone comes and put stupid pressure on me and make me depressed again also I was happy that my friend would call me she didn't she had no phone to call me.... but we still planned this and yesterday I waited for her and I never saw her.... I am not mad heck I am but not mad at her I am mad at myself that I always try to make plans and they never come true 98% of the time. I am making a present for my friend though .... I wonder if she will like it I don't know maybe the present it to stupid and dumb and she wouldn't like it......