Unsure.

My thinking of depending on people will soon change or in general getting my hopes up I want to feel the right feelings at the write time. But why is it that I feel like among my own boyfriend that I am trying more I am just acting crazy my mind must be really be playing mind games on me. I would really like to express my sad emotions but lately I hAve not been able to cry I wonder why those damn tears won't come out no matter how hard I try I think soon everyone will start to hate me because of the fact I might soon push them away because I just want some breathing space but I do want someone to talk to it about and not spend my whole day posting quotes... I feel as though I have been neglecting her.. She has been my best friend and I lost our bf necklace again.. I wonder if he missed me as much as I missed him this weekend... He didn't talk to me much I feel kinda down that we haven't talked I feel like maybe I depend on him more than my friends because he was once my friend until we started dating I wonder if I will be forgotten I am actually breathing hard while writing this the funny thing is I told myself I would never fall in love after my ex and I did I fell for him hard and not only that these feelings surpass my ex.... I am talking so much I wish I can set damn rules the way I want to so that our relationship lasts but if we both feel jelous and never get a chance to talk to each other we will never get anywhere... I wonder if during our video chat calls.. If I can ask him to just turn off his phone and ill do the same so we can enjoy our talks more and for roleplay to start from the time we want but must end at 10 or 11 so we won't be tired to talk to each other the next day I am just writing my suggestions but this won't go far because I don't think he will read this -.- I probally will have to stop relying on him to help me through my stress because he needs his sleep and space... I am just kinda feeling surpressed a certain way and I don't like it when I am Mad I wanna express it when I get sad I wanna cry but whenever I hold it in I seem to get chest pains that really are painful ...I'm typing to much again aren't I well I think that's enough of my feelings good night everyone.