Alone...

I can't explain my feelings or write it anymore. My feelings have been pushed to the limits last night I can not take the sadness I have anymore my dad doesn't care about anything and when he comes home he tries to hurt us with all of his annoying mockery... My mom doesn't think that arguing with him would make everything better because she is looking at that he will help us with money... My boyfriend was suppose to role-play with me last night ... yet he didn't we talked last night about role-playing then suddenly vanished my heart became a turmoil in what happened... I cried a lot last night because I miss him I would love to spend a lot of time with him.. but he seems busy to even talk to me sometimes that it hurts me... I wish I could tell him how I feel but the only way to keep calm is to write it down but I can never seem to write my proper feelings down anymore I don't even have the feelings or urge to write how I feel anymore I love the fact how my hurt turns into tears and so does my anger ..... I wonder how my birthday is gonna be this year... probably with no love feelings on my birthday again...I miss him so much it hurts... but yeah some of the things I am doubting I don't want to doubt him but its almost impossible to not doubt anything.

I want him... I want him so bad that I could do anything to try to bind him in cuffs but what if he doesn't want to be with me anymore... he stopped calling me and stopped keeping in contact with me.. until recently but we do talk but not much I love him but I miss him so much...

I would show him all my weaknesses including that I even need him more than the people whom I live with. I love him so much.. that I could die for him... If he was to go away I wouldn't want to live anymore I know it seems stupid but he was the soul person who made me get rid of my sad feelings for love I feel like if I have him I could do anything with him by myside even when I he was with me I would never fail classes I do now... and then I pass math... I am scared of the fact I get math when I am not around but when I have him I have the motivation to do my work... I had everything when I had his love I feel like without him I do not have nothing without him near me.... I cried my heart out because he would not text back or message me back on fb... I feel like crying again... damn I am gonna go now before this whole post is filled with " I am gonna cry. "