Alone.

I guess today you can say was okay because Damien bought me some food. I got to eat really much until I started thinking about maybe the reason why my boyfriend was failing was because he was too busy trying to talk to me.. To pass the class and maybe it was really not his teachers fault but mine... earlier today I called Andrew's house phone I was kinda nervous to call cause I wasn't sure he was going to pick up and since it was a guy I was stammering a lot... I wonder if I sounded retarded -sighs- ... this is the second day since I last talked to Andrew I miss him... I was taking a shower and I was thinking "what if it goes back you're it was like when I didn't talk to him when I was thinking about my answer"... I kinda wanna cry... I really miss him I don't wanna be a controlling person like asking him where was he what was he doing... My mind even wants to give him a peace of my mind... Like why is it that I feel like every single time I called him he has never replied and for that one time I wasn't their for him he freaked out. When "out of 100 days we where dating I was?" I don't know why but I am getting sick and tired of people blaming me for their own actions."your the reason why I did what I did." Is what he sounded like I"he was saying my boyfriend apologized for its just I don't know why but It kinda hurts.. Every time someone in my family becomes ill mannered my mom always blames it on me... maybe you guys don't know that but she does... Today my brothers girlfriend said " don't interrupt the mood." I don't have anything against what she said but... that was kind of mean I was kinda hurt when she said that when Will someone stop blaming me.. Or when will I feel like the feeling of being needed?.. I always feel this sense of lonely feelings... But.. I also have the sense of being happy I have lots of sad mood swings apparently I guess I just hate being away from Andrew.