Love heartache

Today was a very stressful day I am kinda sad and I really don't want my report card on the 26th... The other thing is Recently my urges have been scaring me their getting very impossible to contain... I am trying so that I can hold them into shape... The other thing I am very afraid of is if knight gets tired of me... I am siting her in this room worried about this and I am scared that I might not pass this test I am really stupid.... Thinking about weird stuff I am now starting summer so tomorrow I am going to be heading out to have a very long run because I am tired of having these useless feelings I am happy that I got to talk to knight today we even role played he got so intimate it makes me hate the fact he is so far I am ripping my heart a lot I have never wanted to meet someone like this so much before.. As you guys may know I used to date a guy with the name of train well when I dated him I wanted to talk to him I thought it would last but not even feelings of him coming here made me as much as it would if my current boyfriend where to come visit me my ex didn't make my heart tear up as much as it did with knight I feel like I want to cry that he is not near me to give me a hug or a kiss... Is that even damn normal? all I ever have in my mind is I am stupid and behind in school and can't even catch up to the one I love... He is going to be in college and I am going to be in my sophomore year... I am so beat about lots of things confused about a lot of things but right now all I know is my heart pains so much to be able to be near Knight... Well good night guys if I stay up any longer I might start crying..