my hurt expression

Hi everyone so I am guessing you probaly know some problems that I am going through everyday I have been writing nothing but bad news in my blogger because really nothing good has been going on lately... not even with my best friend... the last happy moments i had was Thursday & Friday because I went to a concert at Nassau coliseum it was amazing to see the band " Jesus Culture " their stories on how they became a band amazed me so I am a total big fan of Jesus and what he has done to each and every band member... I don't know lately even though I got hurt and I want to cry they just wont come out and I become a person with a solid poker face and never let out my tears I really wish that I would be able to cry without someone treating me like a robot saying that oh don't cry or don't get mad and I am tired of when I express my feelings that one person who I thought I could trust would not judge me or get mad at me but in the end who was I kidding obviously that person did not even try to understand how I feel sometimes I think "oh do you really know how I feel?" but then my mind says shut it and just give her a next chance in my life I think I have wasted about so much time in my life giving speeches to people who I think need it and deserve to have it but, what do I deserve? Ill tell you the answer to that nothing because even with the advise I give out people end up telling me oh no you don't get it!!! and also oh I know Ill keep that advise into consideration when they really don't should I be happy or should I be sad I don't really know sometimes I feel suffocated with these emotions that I just want to let out a yell but in reality I would just sit their quietly and drowned in my depression until someone comes to save me..