My most horrible day...

The more I relieve myself to become unstressed the more scared I get of what I become not being able to release pretty soon ill need my boyfriend more than the blcd's ... -sighs- ... I wonder if he will hate me because I became to intimate it's his damn fault so how can he get mad at me for that. I love him a lot but I wish I was more of a good girlfriend where we could both have a great conversation maybe it's because I am thinking too much into it when really he does talk to me and tries to make it up to me but I still wish for things like a present... or to get something that would help me to not be a complete bitch when he is not around so I can focus on that thing like talk to it give it character traits to the object he bought me...I don't know probably I just want to hug the object that is sent to me so I can feel closer to you... I dot know.. One minute I am happy the next I am sad this is the second time I end up going to sleep sad even though we talked yesterday I feel like yesterday was like 3 months ago... If you don't talk to me when your allowed to talk how am I suppose to detect if you still want me or not....?