Sunday morning

Well as you you may know its already Sunday morning and I am very unsure of how I am feeling I have been lost in thought lately that even a shower which soothes me did not help... I kept thinking about the dream I had gotten last night I surprisingly took the lead of a kiss with my boyfriend and after that he said "your kissing was quiet agressive" .... It kinda scared me to see how seriously intimate I was with him ... I wanna be serious about him but it scares me... Recently I even stopped getting mad maybe I am just afraid because I would always get sad and upset with my ex that I do not want to do the same with my current boyfriend I don't wanna loose him... And every time he would comfort me makes me feel I am not that great to be with him.... I mean like I have never felt this serious with anyone.... Except my ex I thought it was for real until I found out the truth I thought all guys were jerks until I meet knight he made me change my view and perspective about guys... I really hate people who try to keep me away from him ..... I really wanna marry knight but if my emotions are to troubling for him of how I feel I just would rather try to put his happiness before mine... Knight told me when he starts to school he has to fight with a couple of students... I really would not want him to fight because .... He just got out of the hospital last month... Which I can say scared me half to death ... But if he ends up loosing I am going to go to the hospital where he is and drag him out and beat him up myself .... I really love him and I really wanna spend my life with him.... Knight is really understanding he can be stubborn at times but the best listener I know ... I am still nervous about the fight normally I wouldn't be against his fights but this time I kinda am ... Because I know he protects his friends but it is kinda breaking the contract we had with no fighting... Does that mean I am following a contract for me only -sighs- .... It's okay I guess protecting friends goes first so I won't say anything since it was four against one .... I wish you can love me forever is it okay to hope you will love me until forever?