Today

So I did a lot today for thanksgiving I was helping my mom in the kitchen and earlier today my dad he would not shut up at dinner about hurting me... He actually also embarrassed me he went to his sisters house again. I caught a fever and now I am just watching dragon ball gt and tomorrow I will have to do my homework because I did not start it yet but I did do some of it and man am I freaking excited =~= that's not cool I actually need knight to help me but he went to work -sighs- oh well. Back to watching gt bye bye

Day at work...

    Today I went to work as normal yes I finally got hired but as a tutor for a first grader I taught her daughter a new math trick and her mom got mad that I did and she cursed my out behind my back and she asked do you like Tiffany or her friend (me) is better and... she replied me... I wonder if she was lying this a fucking joke. I just started and her mom cursed me out behind my back to the little girl... I am not good with math never was... and its not my fault I forgot most of the math I learned since the first fucking GRADE. I am tired of always being put down ... when I got home my dad called me stupid because I couldn't even find the turkey and he ripped the whole freezer apart and took out everything to see where the turkey was and then he couldn't find it and then he was busy ranting oh my older brother was useless and I was like how about you shut the heck up and stop calling us USELESS I am stressing I am about to cry again I am sick and tired of this ... really I don't need to know. Other than that I got to speak to knight it was really nice hearing from him he seemed busy because he had to work but I am not discouraged after all he is trying to make a better life for himself and I should try to do that too... I am sick and tired of kinda trying to vent to people it hurts way to much and guess what you think that is not enough my dad when he left and came back my mom was feeling sick and when he came back it means she really doesn't love him anymore and the funny shit is that he is going on another trip soon I feel like I wanna cut myself... and end this hurt but I can't cut myself I promised Knight that I wouldn't in order to keep our relationship... Its kinda hard when I don't have him around to stop my tears from crying... I wish he was here. My dad for thanks giving he yelled at me for not being able to find his turkey... that he bought he was gonna give it to my mom but then he took it back to give to his family.. he doesn't consider us a family anymore... HE DOES NOT CONSIDER ME ANYMORE NEITHER..... I wish he would just CHOKE !

Feeling lonely

I wanna talk to him badly but I can't It's cause something went wrong with his connection... I am uncontrollably crying cause I can't really talk to him he won't respond to my texts either I don't know why I am trying my hardest not to cry and now I feel more determined to not go to sleep... Even. Though a lot has told me to go sleep but everything keeps bothering me and troubling me I just am not in a mood to sleep though... I feel like I am just not go to sleep tonight fuck sleeping

Unsure.

My thinking of depending on people will soon change or in general getting my hopes up I want to feel the right feelings at the write time. But why is it that I feel like among my own boyfriend that I am trying more I am just acting crazy my mind must be really be playing mind games on me. I would really like to express my sad emotions but lately I hAve not been able to cry I wonder why those damn tears won't come out no matter how hard I try I think soon everyone will start to hate me because of the fact I might soon push them away because I just want some breathing space but I do want someone to talk to it about and not spend my whole day posting quotes... I feel as though I have been neglecting her.. She has been my best friend and I lost our bf necklace again.. I wonder if he missed me as much as I missed him this weekend... He didn't talk to me much I feel kinda down that we haven't talked I feel like maybe I depend on him more than my friends because he was once my friend until we started dating I wonder if I will be forgotten I am actually breathing hard while writing this the funny thing is I told myself I would never fall in love after my ex and I did I fell for him hard and not only that these feelings surpass my ex.... I am talking so much I wish I can set damn rules the way I want to so that our relationship lasts but if we both feel jelous and never get a chance to talk to each other we will never get anywhere... I wonder if during our video chat calls.. If I can ask him to just turn off his phone and ill do the same so we can enjoy our talks more and for roleplay to start from the time we want but must end at 10 or 11 so we won't be tired to talk to each other the next day I am just writing my suggestions but this won't go far because I don't think he will read this -.- I probally will have to stop relying on him to help me through my stress because he needs his sleep and space... I am just kinda feeling surpressed a certain way and I don't like it when I am Mad I wanna express it when I get sad I wanna cry but whenever I hold it in I seem to get chest pains that really are painful ...I'm typing to much again aren't I well I think that's enough of my feelings good night everyone.

-.- ...

Damn for some reason I feel like I am a freaking changing colored animal one minute I am angry sad and freaking annoyed and this time I am sad I miss knight a lot and he hasn't really replied to my messages but ill be fine alone I am going to be just listening to lollipop by Big Bang and playing MCL damn that game is cool even my friend is allowed to sleep in my room on my birthday YAYY :3 okay we'll I don't know what else to write but I am just gonna go to bed cause I am tired.

Crazy cravings

Okay so if your a girl you probably know about cravings at a certain time of the month you feel grouchy crazy and everything above. Or insecure or just feel bloated oh my I am sick and tired of it well I had Pizza from Pizza Hut wasn't as great as Dominos pizza but oh we'll everything is the great but so far I have been really worsening my grades in English because I didn't do so well on my test and now that I mention it I am suppose to be going with Jessie to go shopping Monday it's really fun to think we will go shopping again. I even had a snow storm the night before

I am so selfish...

I didn't know my own dad wasn't feeling well and I yelled at him and gave him problems not only that I do nothing he asks of me and I wonder if he went to a do a surgery... I am kinda sad I don't know what he went to go do....

Worried feelings...

Okay we'll I didn't know how to talk to knight about why I was upset with him helping his friend but I felt that information with his friend Is kinda intimate maybe I should just go to sleep and forget about it I feel kinda unhappy still because their are kinda something's that I don't think should be shared. But then again it's not my choice she probably told him because she feels comfortable with telling him doesn't mean that it doesn't bother me... I wonder why knight doesn't even say morning or... Not even call me and sometimes not even reply to me in texting I guess I have been clingy so I will try to give him his space. I am writing to get my feelings out and man does this feel great I don't even wanna go to school tomorrow but on the bright side Monday I don't have school neither the week after on Thursday and Friday my mom is still ignoring me and. so am I... My dad finally came back home from staying "her" house... I wonder if I can be consider to bossy on telling people what to do... Well time to calm myself down with some yaoi :o

No right.

I am not mad at knight for you know helping his friend I am kinda mad at me... For wanting you more.. I kinda feel selfish sorry... Maybe it's better for me to hid the fact... I am jelous... I don't know you said don't let my jealousy consume me but it's nearly impossible for me... Your at fault for making me love you this damn much... Damn I hate this ugly feeling maybe it's just me being to jelous I can't stop jealousy really I have no idea. Is love really this hard to maintain I am sorry for not maintaining my cool... I'll be calm I'll be good as I said so do not leave me..