Failure

So I tried to date my friend it end up in utter failure because I tried to hold hands his hands was completely sweaty he complained a lot about how horrid he looked... and most of all I felt like I just didn't even wanna date him because I am his friends so I just told him we have to be friends we cant do more than this... I felt like I pushed feelings out of me to like him. Quiet honestly he wasn't my type I liked Andrew and I still do man am I killing myself over him yes. Is it worth it I have no Idea on another note I went to hang out with Jessie she showed us around her house we went to the river.. and I climbed some rocks feeling blank...and scared what Andrew might of felt in the river... I feel like I shouldn't talk to my friends about what I feel anymore because Its like I am annoying them.They say they aren't but they probably are actually really mad that I talk about Andrew a lot... "Oh Andrew liked that." That's all I can say... people think I am okay about Andrew when they just really don't  know I am a messy puppy in need of a shower. Even my middle bro said I should either let this break me or make me and as of now its breaking me I just feel like I do not want to date anyone but him. I feel lost... All i could do to feel closer to him was call his cell because I felt like shit... And I just wanted to hear his voice... I really did he would make everything better by saying "fuck them babe your pretty and don't worry about them." .... I also missed us as friends... Its like a friend and a boyfriend... Vanished.... I cant stop writing because it hurts.... My friend Jessie is going to try to get me to go out with someone tomorrow and I am just confused... I just do not feel like now is the right time for me to look for someone.... What if the next person dies...