Today I....

Spent some time with my friend Tiffey we had fun making cup cakes it turned out really yummy then, I have to work on a slide show which I have to finish tonight :( which I am tired as it is. I even wanna talk to knight and roleplay but he is to busy so I won't bother him.. Anyways I love the cup cakes

... Tiring day..

I have such a Tiring day I went to a eye doctor and then they examined my eyes I choose my new glasses and I should get them by Saturday, that's not even half of it I went to do some Tasks with my older bro and I had to wait in a car for 2 hours and 30 mins until he finished in a hot freaking car... Then tomorrow I think is the day where Doing a surprise birthday party for my older bro but then again I have nothing to wear so I have to buy a new outfit and buy a present for him and get hair washed at a Solon because my hair has way to much blemishes on it for me to clean I am hopefully planning to get it straightened so that it won't be to much and it will have this sleek look to it.

Hurt feelings...

Well today as none of you may know I went walking with a guy who had rejected me. We had talked only for 15minutes and he is going into the army I am thinking good for him that horne-y bastard I'm hoping he fails his mission but then I realized why do I even want him to die? Anyways that's not the reason why I am hurt while I was talking to him he said knight might forget me when he heads to collage before me and might move on.... But why do I keep thinking that... I know he loves me but then again every guy keeps leaving me for someone else or cause I am Emo and if I hurt myself I can't believe this thought keeps lingering FUCKING HATE THIS DOUBT
FEELING

My anger!!!.....

I want to put both of my parents on a fucking island then blow them up. Why the heck is it everyone in this house questions where the fuck I get money? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? Especially when they are the ones who gave me fucking money and when I told them I BOUGHT IT I AM THE FUCKING BAD GUY FOR SPENDING MY MONEY? You got to be shitting me. Mr A he is such a asshole when I mentioned things about taking me to the mall he told me my bro would take me. When I do not want my brother to take me because they tell me what the fuck to wear I mean like I don't mind wearing but when i am told to dress like a freaking nun i get pissed when I am told what to wear but when the fuck will I get to wear what the fuck I want? I mean like u am in Freaking high school screw what they think. Also they Think my clothing draws attention no idiots it doesn't because when I wore a black long sleeve shirt fully covered I remind you this fucking old guy still hit on me I want my fucking clothing NOW I can't have my brother buying underclothing for me. Then MRS N starts bitching at me and arguing with me about I am like my brothers self centered and what not are you kidding me I AM THE ONLY FUCKING ONE DOING CHORSE even watering garden, pick up mail, do laundry, dry and pack away clothing and then un-top of that vacume and then take care of a bird and then more stuff like clean the bathroom. It is really unfair that I am being called selfish when I really am not. When everyone else is being the selfish one their is also times my MRS N. thinks I am her maid she leaves coffee cup in the sin and then also when she gets home I have to leave my room and serve her orange juice when she herself is close to the Freaking kitchen I mean like do I not do enough?

The Story of the worst sleep... EVER!

Last night I did not sleep well enough and In the end I woke up really late because of the fact I got annoyed of a mosquito which kept flying around me and got me Parrinoid the whole night so now that mosquito is in quiet a better place now.... Last night I did not sleep well enough and In the end I woke up really late because of the fact I got annoyed of a mosquito which kept flying around me and got me Parrinoid the whole night so now that mosquito is in quiet a better place now.... Hopefully I won't have any annoying bugs who drink my blood like crazy like vampires :( I won't have any annoying bugs who drink my blood like crazy like vampires :(
(Later that night)
I wanna be crying no mrs bitch decided to be mean for no fucking reason why? Was it because I didn't talk to her today? Well you ignored me yesterday and the completely ignored me am I suppose to be happy about that? Seriously am I suppose to fucking be happy? I am sick of her and I just wanna start school already so I can stop stressing in this fucking house.

I Am Tired...

I went on a walk with jessie it was fun but not as fun as yesterday it's probably cause it was late that we took the walk instead of early knight he went to his school open house today I miss him a lot I came home from hanging with harneet and. Jessie and I had so much fun but as soon as I come home I cleaned the fridge a little and my bro came home early and he can't hang out with me tomorrow so now I am going to be alone tomorrow
Again.... FREAKING ALONE AGAIN!!!

Today...

I waited for the ice cream truck to pass by my house but I missed him because I was sleeping then while I was waiting I took a picture of a monarch butterfly drinking nectar from a flower it was so pretty I am also beat from walking I walked with Jessie which is one of my close friends and we where just having so much fun I mean we had a amazing walk around our jr High school

Why did this happen...?

For one split second i think we would of got to talk but in the end I got knight in trouble I hope he doesn't... Does his brother not accept me as knights girlfriend am I a bad person..... I am kinda holding tears especially when he starts school he will busy and not be able to talk to me... I guess I don't know what I should do.... I do not want to be alone or not be able to talk to knight tomorrow because Thursday.... I still won't be able to talk to him..... I do have a low self esteem it's true .... But maybe the thing I really want people to see is I am not smart, pretty, and have a nice heart but if you ever need help I am always their to assist you. I really hate the miles we are apart what I would kill to be in his school. I hope knight didn't get grounded I am stressing like crazy -sighs- I wonder if he is okay cause he isn't picking up my cell phone calls

The cruddy day.

Another crappy day I caught a fever and now my eyes are supper tired and my back and head hurts supper much. I even think I am going to finally be okay tomorrow about train my ex boyfriend that I broke up not talking to me first tomorrow is suppose to be his b-day and our ex anniversary but I officially have a new anniversary which is April 3 with my knew smexy boyfriend knight -///////-

The mind is a selfish thing.

I have been thinking my life was everything but what about the person who gave birth to me I really miss her she goes through so much for me yet I hurt her I can't say how much I am great full to her but even when I got bullied by her she still tries her best o understand me but now she is mad again at me I guess you can say I am really a useless person even when it came to my boyfriend knight I made him wake up early for me and it was just wrong... I don't know why I just can't think straight anymore... I am just confused I wonder if I can pass my math test hopefully I can... I'm not sure what my future holds for me but I'm sure I want to be with knight but if I continue being selfish I don't think I can do this anymore....

I'm scared...

My heart can't take anymore stress.. I have tried to not let it effect me but it does I'm scared of my test tomorrow I do not wanna fail this test... I know I don't deserve to be saying this because I did not study but math really is really intimidating to me... I feel really bad I didn't study.... I have been also been doing lots of chores my mind has been filled with stupid things lately like I'm scared to die... I just wish this bump on my head is nothing serious. I also have to deal with the fact that my friend Jessie has her own life so I can't ask her for help in life neither my parents.... I would really like to avoid asking people for help because it would be worst for people to yell while teaching me.

On my way back home...

Today I went to pensilvailia and it was really cool except the fact I got nauseated I had to drink ginger-ale I even took some pictures I love the county side it is so calm and peaceful plus healthy grass :)

Another crappy saturday...

I try to do laundry myself at the laundry-mat and then I end up getting yelled at what the fuck is that? I mean like Its not my fault. I can't stop people from putting shit in their pockets so mrs. N is being a freaking bitch because the machine is broken.... -sighs- I mean like what the pugh and she gets mad at me for putting on the ace when she fucking runs into the shower when I was about to use it you know what? FUCK IT!

Confused...

Am I really suffocating the person I love I guess I will have to think about this rationally... maybe I have been not leaving him to breath... but what If I stop talking to him will he ... try to talk to me.. I mean he is not a talkative person so What if he thinks I am suffocating him too and he doesn't really say anything about me bothering him I am so nervous

Sunday morning

Well as you you may know its already Sunday morning and I am very unsure of how I am feeling I have been lost in thought lately that even a shower which soothes me did not help... I kept thinking about the dream I had gotten last night I surprisingly took the lead of a kiss with my boyfriend and after that he said "your kissing was quiet agressive" .... It kinda scared me to see how seriously intimate I was with him ... I wanna be serious about him but it scares me... Recently I even stopped getting mad maybe I am just afraid because I would always get sad and upset with my ex that I do not want to do the same with my current boyfriend I don't wanna loose him... And every time he would comfort me makes me feel I am not that great to be with him.... I mean like I have never felt this serious with anyone.... Except my ex I thought it was for real until I found out the truth I thought all guys were jerks until I meet knight he made me change my view and perspective about guys... I really hate people who try to keep me away from him ..... I really wanna marry knight but if my emotions are to troubling for him of how I feel I just would rather try to put his happiness before mine... Knight told me when he starts to school he has to fight with a couple of students... I really would not want him to fight because .... He just got out of the hospital last month... Which I can say scared me half to death ... But if he ends up loosing I am going to go to the hospital where he is and drag him out and beat him up myself .... I really love him and I really wanna spend my life with him.... Knight is really understanding he can be stubborn at times but the best listener I know ... I am still nervous about the fight normally I wouldn't be against his fights but this time I kinda am ... Because I know he protects his friends but it is kinda breaking the contract we had with no fighting... Does that mean I am following a contract for me only -sighs- .... It's okay I guess protecting friends goes first so I won't say anything since it was four against one .... I wish you can love me forever is it okay to hope you will love me until forever?