Officially feel like a stalker
Okay well hi people I was suppose to write a blog for yesterday and I was dam freaking lazy and I haven't gotten to writing one so please excuse me for writing it late anyways the title of this is pretty much self explanitory I feel like a stalker because of the fact I was reading a blogger that my boyfriends mom has been writing (shh don't tell her knight) and I can understand her motherly point of view I was laughing at most of the parts because it made me think Man my babe was not joking about giving his mom trouble but hey that is what kids do :) anyways to be less more explanitory long story short I am a total stalker and was just reading his moms blogger from 12 to 1 in the freaking morning. Yesterday which I am writing this for yesterday I did lots of things I finally went back to church and apparently the people in my church think I am not fat enough and I am too skinny so they keep giving me food to eat enough said about that right? (*cough-cough*) But yet they tell me I look like a model how Ironic. My boyfriend knight he had talked to me by txting man do I love that guy we where talking about random things I wish to kiss him in the near future <3 we didn't get to roleplay which was a total let down but their is always tomorrow right? and not only that the flooding named sandy was being explain to everyone and all public schools got closed down which is really cool :I well anyways I think I am going really crazy because it is 2 in the morning now so I am going to head off to bed nighty night
I'm tired
So I got back from flushing 3hours ago and my friend Jessie I finally got to hang out with her. It was really fun we got to see a bakery eat bread :3 and we got to go to random places for buying pocky and anime things we went to a jewelry store and it is really cool cause everytime we went we would always go when they had a sale :3 and I am gonna roleplay with Knight he was home and I didn't talk to him... I really feel upset with myself... 
Can't think...
I am gonna loose my mind is it even possible to loose my mind more than it already is.... I have failed as a student I failed all my classes I only pass about three classes..
Today's update
Here something random I wrote in my thinking book...
Really wish you where here
The tears that fall in my heart
Is getting painful...
I really miss you babe I can't
Even focus if I can't talk to you
My day feels incomplete when I
Do not wake up to your voice
or to your text babe.
How I wish I would just die...
My body feels like its consuming
My soul my heart and my mind.
Really wish you where here
The tears that fall in my heart
Is getting painful...
I really miss you babe I can't
Even focus if I can't talk to you
My day feels incomplete when I
Do not wake up to your voice
or to your text babe.
How I wish I would just die...
My body feels like its consuming
My soul my heart and my mind.
It's been a while
I haven't been blogging because I have been so caught up on what to write I end up falling a sleep before writing a thing okay well for the passed weeks I have been getting nothing but bad things that i have been doing pour for this coming up marking period because of my surroundings so now I have to zone people out to work more and pass chemistry well I get to talk to my boyfriend and I got into a fight with my brother and my dad stood up for him I just wish they would disappear with the rest of their empty souls.
Stressing...
I am stressing out so much I kinda wanna start cutting again.. I feel like I am loosing it but I promised knight I would not cut again and I think I am gonna burst .... It's really getting worst my body feels the need to and I don't know what to do but I am trying to restrain from cutting again.
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<a href='https://heartless-gummiebearluv-favdramas.blogspot.com/2012/10/starving-hungry.html'>Starving hungry...</a>
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Today I had a great day it's just I was depressed over something and I felt like crying you know? I have never felt hungry and alone you know it's like weird... But it's okay I am a big girl and I will get over my depression I think it's because my friends mom told my friend I was the reason why she was doing bad in school if that really was the case why don't I just quit being happy?? I mean like if I wanted to ruin her life I wouldn't help her in life or became her friend... Not only that her bro bashed on me and she herself called me modern which is a diss in our culture... I kinda wanna cry...
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<a href='https://heartless-gummiebearluv-favdramas.blogspot.com/2012/10/psat-results.html'>PSAT results...</a>
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So today i took the PSAT I am so beat up on that test it was really hard even the math I should know I don't know it... I really am scared now on the other PSAT other than that our schedule was really stupid we had to go to all our classes for 15 min or 19min and most people left... We came out at 1 original time and I still feel it was awaits of time I didn't even get to present my work today at all... So now I have to present tomorrow oh well...
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<a href='https://heartless-gummiebearluv-favdramas.blogspot.com/2012/10/useless.html'>.... Useless</a>
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Is that what I am?? I think I am I am really dumb in math so that's why people have to make fun of me... Now I am gonna cry myself to sleep without knight... I miss him... Really much and I can't speak to him because he seems busy so I'll just go under my covers and cry and figure this out on my own like I always have.
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<a href='https://heartless-gummiebearluv-favdramas.blogspot.com/2012/10/am-everything.html'>Am everything</a>
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I feel really down again well I guess you can say not because of my health it's because I haven't talked to knight as much as I would want to.. I miss him and just when he said it was okay to talk to him I told him you need rest.. Because I am scared of two things being alone and being broken up with what If knight got tired of talking to me.. I think of stupid things like that. Well I am waiting for his text reply and he is probably upset but I am scared to ask for what I want because I am still conservative when it comes to asking on what I want...<br />
Well back to heintia watching.. Cause knight probably fell a sleep again.
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<a href='https://heartless-gummiebearluv-favdramas.blogspot.com/2012/10/better-day.html'>Better day</a>
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Well today I got to relax because its Columbo day that was when Christopher Clumbus discovered that the world was round not flat well anyways enough about history you probably know I went to the emergency room which I thought was bad but I got to watch cartoons and fishes and law and order but other than that what's the best thing was no school but the bad thing is that my skin condition is contagious so I keep getting treated like a germ a-FO by my dad and brother well so your probably wondering what are you doing right now?? Well I am making some milo aka COCO -w- the only thing is I am worried what happened to knight after I texted back he no reply...<div class=)
I am crying ...
I think the title explains it self I am a contagious germ freak now I keep bleeding and it's angers me a lot I don't know if I will ever get better my eye kids hurt to stay opened...
Consumption
I have been consuming a lot of sadness and pain from my body because their are more scars that appeared I guess I am gonna cry again tonight.... Why is it am I not surprised I wanna talk knight about it but I am just so stressed out I do not feel well I really feel like passing out and not able to go on... I feel really horrible like I can't trust anyone... Knight might get tired of my depressed and low esteem again..
Morning...
Everyone keeps saying I will get better I feel really sad that I look really sick not only that I found out I can have multiple reasons as to why my eczema got worst It could be because of my diet I stop drinking water and also I had more soda then water so my emuniety was really bad and still is.
Today..
I was suppose to hang out with Jessie but in the end it was cancelled because my mom and dad refused for me to go to my appointment to fix my iPod but on the great news my iPod is alive again all thanks to my older bro well anyway I have eczema and I am still trying to treat it so hopefully everyone at school won't look at my face to much I am really getting depressed cause I still am thinking on what I should do about this guy who is bothering me because what if he keeps bothering me I am so tired of thinking that.. And i role played today and did the Laundry.
My past
In the past I used to love this boy but he rejected me so I finally got over him when he left because he went on vacation to Greece he came back from Greece and asked me out which I refused then when I was pursading him to go out with me I said I would do anything and he said anything and I said yes so he asked me to do oral then he would know if i was meant for him I thought he was the one but we never did make it because I chickened out and yeah stuff like that I thought we where friends but in the end I realized he wanted to use my body because he asked me to do oral so he would know if we would be good boyfriend and girlfriend. (this happened when I was 12/13)
So now I am busy crying about him pestering me on my cell phone and Facebook all because he I promised him oral but I have a boyfriend (knight) and he would be mad if I did that because it is considered cheating and I feel that he is dangerous to me... Save me please knight...
Angry at knight....
message to all readers :)
well I just wanted to write a quick reminder to all that my I-pod has been shot in the engine hope fully I can get a warranty I-pod and I won't have to pay for it but I will have to pay for my own warranty so that if anything goes wrong with it I can fix it again :( I am so unhappy I might not be able to upload blogger for a while so people who want to talk to me will have to talk to me either on Facebook-Cell-Ebuddy until I go to Roosevelt Feild Mall :I
Funny thing...
Well today was funny because I sent one of my friends (Tiffey) a message I was suppose to send to my boyfriend (knight) so later today knight was like "Selina why u know txt or call me?" and then I realized I had sent (Tiffey) the good morning babe message lol funny huh >w~ well last night i had some great sleep i feel so refreshed and it felt GREAT for once and I had Ice-cream cone man was that great now I am roleplaying like a crazy maniac and I am sooo enjoying it my character looks like this....
Tonight...
Lately i am not tired and I feel like it is my fault everyone keeps arguing around me it was probally best if I die even my medication has zero affects it always itches more than it does and now this is like the 4th time I cried myself to bed I wanna call knight or text him but he has school so I don't wanna wake him either well I guess I wrote how I feel down and also lately I feel like not eating... I wonder why people keep staring at me like I am a alien.... 
Today...
So their I am trying to talk to knight when all of a sudden boom -eyes get drowsy- and he falls a sleep TT^TT GRR!!! I'll tell you one thing the fight that I had was epic yet so annoying because I might loose tomorrow cause her friends might jump in.... Not only that something has been bothering me but I am not stressing about it but it keeps bothering me... >.< oh well I guess I can think about that later so stupid :( ... And I even got a 0 on a test and failed a english test... Not only that I am curious who was the "friend" knight talk to he says friends it's BUGGING ME GAHHH I am so crazy upset and worried about tomorrow.
Positive day ..
Today was actually a good Saturday until I got into a argument with Mrs N. I am happy now because I am roleplaying with knight :) and Monday I get to hang out with mary... And I am kinda sad because I yelled at Jessie and made her cry but I was also in pain but now I can't be her best friend is killing me even more until she proves she is my Best friend it's whatever.
Today ..
Well today at church one of my brothers friend I'll call him D. He litterly figured out that I was scared and could here voices and things around me and I was scared he knew some stuff I didn't even know but I knew I was feeling I felt in a corner and scared but I don't know how I felt I just feel like I am hiding my sad face under my happy face and it scares me.... I don't know what I am going thru even I said it was okay for my friend to use me but deep down it hurt when I said that I also love knight but I am scared what if I love him and his expectations for me are so high? I don't know what I think anymore...
My positively tiring day...
I actually fell a sleep in a class and it was third period class all because I didn't eat breakfast that sucks :( but oh we'll at-least I get to role-play with knight he thought of a good role-play Idea I am so happy with the new role-play. I even caught a cold
First day of school...
I have been so tired of first day of school because I have lunch 7th period and it is so hard... I am finally a sophomore but i don't feel like it. I finally got to add Lindsay on my Facebook we knew each other since kindergarten and she was just so depresses about biology and in not getting it. She is like my first best friend but we never shared secrets. we where just so into talking to each other and hanging out when we where kids I miss the old days. On the other hand I have a practice test tomorrow I history and in math both math classes I am so nervous. I played modern girl and top girl and I can hardly wait for tomorrow when I can start mycandylove the game I haven't played so my ap points can build :D I miss knight cause he had to go early and he said he would call me but passed out and he said he wouldn't I promise myself I won't get angry even if he does something I dot like because it's the best way for things to not go wrong in our relationship.
A summary on what happened.
Saturday Sep 1
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Today I have had a great day well half half because Its my brothers birthday he is finally 30 I had some italian food at the party it was so amazing we had some good cake also sorry didn't upload a picture of the cake :(
Sunday September 2
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My skin condition got worst and I looked like a Scaled snake TT---TT
But my brother bought cortisone for my scaly eyes it hardly works but it's okay I guess. When I came back home from church I had A slushi from the ice cream truck Mmm tasty then when I got into my room Mrs N kept going on of how useless I am that I don't do laundry and that I brought up a cup but it was really her because their was orange juice stains in it.
Monday September 3 (memorial day)
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Today I role-played with Harneet and knight it was pretty fun I had a blast I helped Tiffey print her home work then Mrs. N came in and got mad cause I couldn't hear her calling me and hit me she was calling me names yet again probably I can finally hang loose a lil
Cause my mom goes back to work I will finally get breathing space.
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Today I have had a great day well half half because Its my brothers birthday he is finally 30 I had some italian food at the party it was so amazing we had some good cake also sorry didn't upload a picture of the cake :(
Sunday September 2
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My skin condition got worst and I looked like a Scaled snake TT---TT
But my brother bought cortisone for my scaly eyes it hardly works but it's okay I guess. When I came back home from church I had A slushi from the ice cream truck Mmm tasty then when I got into my room Mrs N kept going on of how useless I am that I don't do laundry and that I brought up a cup but it was really her because their was orange juice stains in it.
Monday September 3 (memorial day)
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Today I role-played with Harneet and knight it was pretty fun I had a blast I helped Tiffey print her home work then Mrs. N came in and got mad cause I couldn't hear her calling me and hit me she was calling me names yet again probably I can finally hang loose a lil
Cause my mom goes back to work I will finally get breathing space.
So sick...
My skin condition keeps worsening and I need some medicine before kids in class start making fun of me I hope I will get some type of coverage before I go back to school =____= (to be continued)
Today I....
Spent some time with my friend Tiffey we had fun making cup cakes it turned out really yummy then, I have to work on a slide show which I have to finish tonight :( which I am tired as it is. I even wanna talk to knight and roleplay but he is to busy so I won't bother him.. Anyways I love the cup cakes 
... Tiring day..
I have such a Tiring day I went to a eye doctor and then they examined my eyes I choose my new glasses and I should get them by Saturday, that's not even half of it I went to do some Tasks with my older bro and I had to wait in a car for 2 hours and 30 mins until he finished in a hot freaking car... Then tomorrow I think is the day where Doing a surprise birthday party for my older bro but then again I have nothing to wear so I have to buy a new outfit and buy a present for him and get hair washed at a Solon because my hair has way to much blemishes on it for me to clean I am hopefully planning to get it straightened so that it won't be to much and it will have this sleek look to it.
Hurt feelings...
Well today as none of you may know I went walking with a guy who had rejected me. We had talked only for 15minutes and he is going into the army I am thinking good for him that horne-y bastard I'm hoping he fails his mission but then I realized why do I even want him to die? Anyways that's not the reason why I am hurt while I was talking to him he said knight might forget me when he heads to collage before me and might move on.... But why do I keep thinking that... I know he loves me but then again every guy keeps leaving me for someone else or cause I am Emo and if I hurt myself I can't believe this thought keeps lingering FUCKING HATE THIS DOUBT
FEELING
FEELING
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