Sleepiness night..

So I am still trying to finish the anime Go-sick its pretty interesting note to mention on a side not i finished all my homework tonight unlike yesterday where I did no homework and just asked a friend to help me. I was thinking tonight sure is cold I am really cold I am also thinking if Andrew is okay because he hasn't replied to my messages but I guess you can say he goes to sleep early... But now I am being lonely and left out... I hardly get to talk to him now... I hate it... I really hate the fact Andrew is very busy with stuff to talk to me or Roleplay but... Texting scarily will not help our relationship or situation.

New situation...

Maybe my mom is right maybe I am a good for nothing that I never even helped her... Maybe that's how Andrew felt when he was in pain he had no one to talk to I couldn't even help him with his problems as much as he did for me... I wonder if he is very busy... I don't feel happy right now because of the fact I wonder if Linda flirted with him because she is very prettier than me...and other things... I hate not thinking I am not pretty and even useless.

It's finally over!!

So I won yes I said it I beat Linda. I got a swollen eye bloody middle finger and and freaking scrap on my BEAUTIFUL FACE just kidding but I did get a scratch on my face. I wonder how ill answer to him about this... Hmm hope he doesn't find out I went to the doctor for my arm man I got to stop punching her. mmm I am hungry -drools- which I could role-play I am so happy I beat her up it all thanks to you darling aww isn't his sleeping face adorable???!!! (Sorry babe I had to embarrass you)

Being bullied...

So right now what is happening I am being hurt right now not by hands but by words that are very hurtful... How would they know I am a "hoe"... Wish Andrew was here to protect me... I don't know what to do... I am not gonna make this. My heart feels really heavy I need help.. Someone help me.... I don't like this at all!!!.... Their is no way I can give him her number even if she wants to speak to him...I really feel hurt why do I have to deal with this to be happy. I wish Andrew could help me.. And feel his warm hands on my head like everything is gonna be okay. Or even his heart to sooth my heart.

Excitement

My boyfriend was suppose to talk to someone but then when he came back he must of been really tired... Right after he left I was craving and still am I wish he could just wake me up so we could Roleplay and have fun. I hope I wake up on time

The unspoken

I may not say things out loud but ... I don't wanna know anymore.. About anything it hurts to wonder but it hurts to mostly know about it.. I think I will call it a draw you know to the fact I won't flirt with my friends... As to you would... Isn't that words suppose to hurt me... Sorry doesn't cut the fact that I am feeling this way... Lovers do not do this... is probably the second time you hurt me by your words do you think that I am hilarious cause I don't fight back with you or because of the fact I don't get back at you? Well it's because I refuse to play to that level. You tell me I am yours but how does it make me feel when you do it to your friends the stuff we where suppose to do... I won't cry is what I tell myself.... But I do.....I am not a girl not a women but just a thing that whatever I say just has no effect on you anymore..... I stopped hurting myself and you said I was the one but my biggest opinion is I am a big joke the biggest joke. Thank your friend ... That she kept you out of trouble... What about me am I not helping you am I not good enough... Yes you friends have problems but I don't think you should kiss her on her cheek.... I mean I would get judged if a guy kissed me on the cheek you would hate it what you don't like.. Then why do it and think I would be okay with it.....???

1:06AM

It's 1:06 in the morning and still no reply from him... Gosh fuck the thought of going to sleep now I am going to go play star project and date anime guys to get over the world of men whom just don't seem to get it.

I'm actually very outraged

So tell me why I even got a Chance to talk to my ex boyfriend and he told me I am sorry can you forgive me and then today he did some stupid shit and asked me some random question on if I am dating a guy and shit I mean like does he need to know all this my heart is gonna crash because he thinks he deserves me back what the hell is that bull shit..... I don't wanna tell my current boyfriend cause he will wanna kill him... I wanna talk to my boyfriend about this a bit but I wanna keep my mouth shut...

The weirdest things in life.

Today was the greatest day I finally had a great day even though I sang for the offering song I messed up so much I wonder if I really did okay... Well tonight I wonder if I should type all my notes to the website I made hmm maybe that should work well anyways I hope my boyfriend is okay I wonder if he is busy.

New fears..

Lately I used to love taking a shower with hot water but when I take a steaming hot water bath I can't seem to breath... Today is a day I felt like crying from everything that has happened for the whole entire week I even tried helping myself it just made me sad lonely and by myself... It my sound weird cause I never beg like this I want my boyfriends friend soo badly I want to just tackle my boyfriend to satisfy me...I give up...

The things girls think of.

Well today was a very interesting day I realized when I got home that I was hurt at the fact my mom tells at me for not studying.. Other than that I have also realized just by talking to my friend that when I had told my boyfriend I think I was attracted to my best friend my friend had told me I was bi curious o.o I was shocked but it was kinda new to me. Other than that she had a crush on me and still does but I did tell her I'm dating and have no interest in that what so ever. So early today I had chemistry and found out my boyfriend had went to the hospital because he didn't talk to me all of my stress was building and I cursed him out I felt guilty and I was crying like a maniac and stuff I even had told him that he should sleep instead of talking to me I didn't wanna be a hypocrite and call him when I was sad so I just left it alone and apparently if I get to see my boyfriend in the summer I have to have my dad with us I am kinda nervous as hell... I hope everything goes well -.-!!! I have been dying to Role-play and I am very bothered how I just got very excited as soon as I get on my bed the heck is that!!! And I can't wait for Sunday or Saturday where I redo Nathaniel's story because their was a stupid glitch that is making me start the whole entire episode over :( I didn't even finish my class work or tests or homework and I need to pass their class :(

Beyond pissed.

So I finished eating my boyfriend didn't pick up his phone again and it's 8:36 and I am beyond angry why do I have to be always be put on hold I don't care anymore I am tired of having to apologize its not funny and I am just tired of this repeating factor it's making me feel really upset.... I new I was going to cry over something today...

Out of it...

Well apparently today is not my day I feel really out of it and really emotional I wonder If ill be okay... I feel like crying this is gonna be one of those days isn't it... I am modern, a skinny twig, even easily mocked, a bitch, lazy, even easily taken advantage of and pretty soon ill be in my room crying again cause of my parents fighting... I wonder is their anyone I can talk to.. Maybe not huh?? ... I am not gonna bother my friends about my issues cause I will not be a burden I am just gonna keep holding it in until I am calm and peaceful again.

The life of a girl

So today I thought I would be in a good mood I just realized that I was... But now I am not the fuck is that why is it that I am constantly getting mad having to make the conversations and also even trying to stay in touch I get supper mad and then take it out on my boyfriend when my parents argue which is not healthy for our relationships but then again I can't blame it on my parents I understand everything but can't you see what I do as an example and try to do the same it's "common curtsy" I am getting of the hang of trying to get back into my demanding ways but if I demand for things and I don't get what I want don't blame me for being A pussy to tell you what I want I mean like its really bothering me... I don't feel like putting up with family bull shit or relationship doubts or anything like that so any time I feel depressed I will right a story about our lives after we marry or maybe a story on how we get married.... I wonder if guys can see that...

Midterm week :(

I have a whole bunch of midterms and I didn't get enough sleep fuck my life. I have all tests for the first three periods then a break which is gym and then English what a freaking wonderful bullshit day this is going to turn out to be....

11:52pm unsuccessful

Well it's a complete drag that it is the 3 time for the night I tried face timing my boyfriend and also 2 texts from cell and 4 or 3 from my iPod my stupid body keeps reacting to his body... And he is not even around I can't take it... I give up trying. I seriously don't feel like bl will help anymore tonight cause I watched them all -sighs- well time to hit the hay... Night night ... Watch me dream about him in his boxers -/////- I also think I am catching a cold nnn gah this sucks >:c

I wanna call him...

I think I have reach the peek where I miss my boyfriend so much... And we have only talked around 6hrs and 58minutes ago but who's counting all the seconds I am away from my boyfriend not me -laughs a little scary- I think me wanting him to ravage me so badly is part of the reason why I wanna cry right now... But the part where I just doubt him so much is making me cry too I miss the fact that I actually role played with him... I wonder if we will have more time for each other when he starts college or will he start liking someone else am I pretty enough for him... I wonder if I am... I wonder what his friends probably expects a tall cute looking girl... Maybe I am not right for him... That's why people say your dating him -shock face- ... Am I that really not great for my boyfriend...

2:42 in damn mornin

It's 2:43am and i have not yet went to bed why its because I though I would of finished mycandylove ep 8 but turns out I have to start the whole episode over cause of a glitch that fucking pissed me off. Not mostly the reason why I was up was because for the last passed three hours I don't know how my boyfriend got sexy in my thoughts and I just got weird and my body would not calm down for 3 to 4 fucking hours and my thoughts still didn't stop making my boyfriend sexier by the second the fuck is this... GOSHHHH!!!!! I hate this... Now I am practically gonna be like this for the whole freaking night!!! How much do you wanna bet I will get up like I have a swing head like I was fucking drunk as fuck not remembering shit what happened

Can't stay angry!!!!

Why in the world is it that one day I can't stay angry with my boyfriend whenever he does something to piss me off??? Like this is not the first no matter how mad I am at him it only lasts a day and some... I feel lonely aggravated and everything above promising me to call me back and then not doing it makes me upset... REALLY UPSET ..... I am really tired of saying sorry to him... I am tired of trying to understand... I am gonna Clear this misunderstanding up maybe tonight so nighty night everyone time to go talk to my boyfriend how I fell about this.

What am I to do?!!?

The loneliness is killing me but so is my jealousy. I don't know weather to laugh or cry at this stupid feelings. I quit my job today but the things they said about me behind or in front of my face hurt really bad hurt me so much I couldn't breath like the time my friends had bullied me in school making it impossible to eat or sleep...

-.-

Today was bull shit cause i guy named brandon does nothing but pick on me and curse me out i was holding in my tears he tried grabbing the ball and pulled it out of my hand and hurt it in the process so i let him have the ball and gave up. Today is my first day not playing my candy love wholly shit O.0 I didn't play it for a day man I am trying so hard not to be a addict well hopefully my boyfriend passes his test I am praying for his success and for me to pass all my classes.. Well tonight I didn't do my math or Spanish homework cause my Spanish is being done by my Friend and my math ill just guess :( and pretty soon ill have to quit my job to get a breather. Well time to head off to sleep nighty night.

No sleep -.-||||

Well I fucked up my night cause I went to take a nap when I got home from church... And now I can't sleep... I tried talking to my boyfriend he answered twice and then disappeared I assume he is probably very tired, helping his friends, or just doing chores I wonder if I will ever get to talk to him like I did to with him yesterday was pretty fun we finally got a chance to Roleplay with each other I played my candy love and this episode 8 is taking forever on the good news I will be able to stay home on regents week and hang out with Tiffany on the bad part my boyfriend had exams so I don't think I will be able to talk to him as much... AGAIN!!!! I wish we could kiss and hug physically I wanna finish school get a new job and other things :( .... DAMN... I am not even sleepy :O... Well that is pretty much not true when u say your not sleepy u get tired of saying it and then you actually do get tired.. Well nighty night €~€

The Emotion of Annoyed.

will I be as important as your friends?... I am suddenly getting the feeling I am being ignored... nor do I get the feelings... of "love"... as to which you claim... the things I talked to you about it just feels like it rolled over... can't I just tell you that it is annoying I wanna be frank to even the things like people calling me ugly and a bitch is bothering me.... again I got another electronic but yet I got a restriction how hilarious that I was told I would love my gift when I was given a restriction to my gift isn't that fucking...!!!
I am just gonna go take a shower and fall a sleep... I am tired of waiting for a call or a text or even a message on Facebook.

Part II of my day

Is this funny or what... I am trying so hard not to get mad... my phone log says six times I called you but you have not even picked up once are you kidding me?... I am going to go listen to music... I am not forgiving you this time... it hurts way to much now... you did help me with my homework I appreciate that but in life it takes TWO to tango.... and I am tired of pulling you said your not feeling well I understand..... but not only that you.... seem busy... so I am just gonna leave it alone.

The loneliness feelings

         hmmm... is it not ironic how everyone tells my secrets out to people? So last night was the New Years Celebration to break my fast and then I finally you know... eat.. My mom had told one of the ladies in church about me getting bullied I hated that my mom revealed that to someone that was not even our family... This morning I tried to hang out with people like my older brother and he seemed sick so I didn't want to disturb him... My mom she was in her own world to even wanna talk to me ... She seemed so far away that she didn't even look like she liked me around her.... I wish that someone would talk to me and not leave me alone... so that I can go interact with them cause I don't even know if they would want me to interact with them... I wonder if my boyfriend is upset with me because he is not responding either.... funny huh... how people are yet so close to you but yet you feel so damn far from them. So I their is only so much I can take and recently I have been practically annoyed because of this essay I have to do and I have to finish it today but I have no more freaking information to do the essay! The essay I am suppose to do is write a essay on how I connect with a person on interest wise and I have no more information how on EARTH do I connect with my boyfriend... I choose my boyfriend because he is the only real person who actually helped me through my problems other than my friend whom has the status as my cousin... I only wrote a damn grand total of one or two sticking pages ... ! its not even single space its only doubled (-_-|||) I just wanna go back to sleep... I AM SO DAM FRUSTRATED!!!!

I am not either sad nor in pain just feeling lonely....