..

Listening to a kara volume up... wow so lots of happened in these two days so my dad caught me hanging out with damien he is a really nice person and he always hangs with me in my time of need when i am sad and stuff or about to kill someone.. and my dad called him a gangster a "nigahh" ... It made me angry! And then my friend didnt make anything any better because she was like your boyfrends friend posted a status "everytime i see you in the hall way" a guy and girl in eachothers arms... That kinda pisses me off... we established We loved eachother but i am feeling lonely cause my boyfriend had been getting a lot tired lately... And hardly roleplaying... and when we talk.. He leaves without saying brb when he fixes it for a day and then does it again... And my friends cant help me no one can call me...btw a guy had confessed to me "harneets bully"

aggravated

I am finally sitting down to do my homework and I actually wanna cry no one wants to help me with this homework and I don't understand it... I asked my dad he doesn't understand my mom... I can't really ask her and my older brother is always with his girlfriend so I don't wanna bother him and ask him for help... and my middle brother..is really useless because I can never seem to get him to do anything for me... How am I suppose to succeed in being a engineer if I can't even solve these STUPID PROBLEMS ITS SO FRUSTRATING... I actually am crying.. it sucks ... my boyfriend really had to cook dinner and I am not sure if he wanted to help me in math or just wanted me not to... but I seriously felt like ... I wanted him to help me... I guess I am on my own again... I would like to ask jessica but its complicated to ask her to do anything... and even sensei is busy right now...

being taken advantage of.

So i was stressing to make this slide show and philip pulled out of making the video and his sister was being lazy about giving me the pictures... I feel angry that they made me do all the work and then my bro helped me.. I feel so annoyed... This is why I never like hanging out with people in church.. And today I got mad at my friend jessie again so now we are just friends i cant call her my best friend anymore and I am so annoyed my boyfriend never says brb and makes me wait but other than me disliking that about him, he managed to make me sad and happy in the same day so that wa practically my thursday .. but now its 2am and in about 4 hrs i have to wake up to get ready to go to the retreat :O anyways nighty night guys see ya in the morning

I hate you summer

So it may seem really weird when I answered my boyfriends messages like not answering "what about you are you okay?" or "what are you doing?" Well I just came back from a trip of failure I wanted to make a back yard oisis and their was no swimming pools in sight I know its stupid but everywhere i checked had a pool only online and I dont even have a card... 

useless guys

So even though I am a girl I always defend guys I don't know why but I always give them the benefit of the doubt. But recently which is today my dad has been acting really weird his behavior is like so outrageous its disturbing so today I was pointing at the carpet asking him if he could just pass it to me he walks all the way to the chicken coop instead of getting the carpet cause he thought it was all the way over their like seriously I swear men are so weird.. anyways the other good thing that came out of my dad coming home was he had bought me a subways sandwich it was the most greatest sandwich I was flabbergasted they had invented such a sexy sandwich hey this sandwich may have beaten my boyfriend in sexiness! >///< HA HA HA joking thats not true but anyways moving along saturday but we decided to make his birthday Thursday because Friday I won't be able to hang but with him because of course I will be spending time with my brothers girl so I won't be able to hang with him so for his birthday I made him a cool cake >w< I am so proud of my baking skills and then I made him some chilly fries. I know your probably asking why would I go this far for a guy other than my boyfriend? well its because his parents don't normally get him a cake and it makes me more grateful for the things my parents do for me that other parents don't and maybe even my friends who buy me presents for my boyfriend. It also makes me become more grateful for Knight who not much people can say that their relationship is cool like ours :) but anyways I am going to be hanging out with my friend tomorrow so that I can give him a cake and his other stuff :)

Love is patient

Its 2:07 i am still awake and andrew went to bed i had fun i am hungry but im still staring myself I feel like I want to pack a suite case and go to andrew just to see him.. I really love him and really wanna hug him I am just going to wait for that day when I actually do see him.

mood: annoyed

So I said I would type the rest of the things that happened to me today so what happened was my mom caught me with the new iPod and I told her it was my friends iPod so now she is getting constantly annoying say that " oh you abused my trust" yes I did abuse your trust but I am not doing anything stupid to do that again I don't want you to go into my messages because why would you read my messages? it seriously angers me and then when I am on the computer she gets mad at me WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO?! like seriously... now she keeps instilling into my brother OH SHE GOES TO BED LATE! seriously... I GET OFF THE COMPUTER ON TIME! their where one or two times I was on the computer late because I was reading something and the other thing is that she keeps yelling at me saying that men only use you when they need you... -cries- I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY LITERALLY and yes I do fall a sleep in church not because I go to bed late ITS BECAUSE THIS PERSON CAN"T KEEP ME AWAKE!!! SERIOUSLY THEIR BORING WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? .... I want to hurry up and do my 4 years I am changing my mind about the 8 years .. in college I want to hurry up finish college get a stable job and just leave this CRAPPY PLACE!!!! AND I DO NOT USE THE COMPUTER ALL DAY BECAUSE I WENT WALKING AND  RUNNING THE WHOLE DAY!!! AND CAME BACK AT 3 AND IF I TELL HER THAT SHE IS GOING TO BE LIKE WHY??? WHERE YOU OUT ALL DAY? LIKE SERIOUSLY YOU DO NOT WANT ME ON THE COMPUTER YOU DO NOT WANT ME TO WATCH TV YOU DO NOT WANT ME TO READ MANGA AND YOU DO NOT WANT ME TO HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS IN THE SUMMER WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME -CRIES MISERABLY- this makes me feel like Andrew will leave me because of what my mom says and when she gets at me it makes me scared ...  I hate her... so much why does she think its so bad to like ... a boy... this morning I was in a daze and I think "Satin" kissed me but I was in such a dazed when I woke up I couldn't even tell ... now I am thinking I would probably better off dead...

Wherdo

Im going to duel my friend today instead of going jogging with him I am so going to beat him :) on a second note andrew was probably really tired that he passed out in roleplay -sighs- I wish we could see each other for real... it feels lonesome and annoying at times their are times when I feel dating Andrew is a too good to be true thing like even though he has traits I dont like he has some traits that I would not want to give it up to any other girl or give it up to the world he has the ability to make me smile for a really long time and times when he apoligizes when he knows that it hurts me.. Their are also times when he makes compromises like if I say sorry for something that I did he didnt like he would apologize for something he did that I didnt like.

Stomach...

I realized I am very fortunate to have lots of things like food in my fridge when my friend he cant even get that... Ugh!! I hate parents who neglectic their children :( all i can think about right now is the Pee pee dance and how hot it is right now this is so damn annoying how hot it is its even hard to breath great!!! I take advantage of my boyfriend where as my friend he cant even get a girl cause all he does is a negative ray ball i feel like he will date sabrina cause its not fair LIKE WHY KISS WHEN YOU DONT GO OUT!!! Kisses, hugs, holding hands is just as important as sex its showing that your linked to that person you love a lot i dont know why but i sometimes like killing all of my friends who are girls who hurt my guy friends they did nothing to deserve your HALF ASSED FEELINGS!!!!! did i mention how hot it is?!!! On a second note I think my hand got worst it hurts when i type on my computer but not when i type on my ipod i wonder why...?? And then my stomach hurts when i eat "chicken" now...

Dissapointment

So my brother forgot to book the damn tickets so now we went to the movies to get some damn tickets and now we couldn't watch the movie i don't even want to try to see this movie anymore i feel disappointed as fuck ... Ugh i woke up early for no freaking reason THE FUDGE MAN!!!

Feeling very moody

I wanna freaking cry now... What is wrong with me....!!! I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.... I am suppose to be happy but why am i suddenly angry then about to cry i don't understand my mind is being filled with things like Andrew is gonna stay far distance from me what if we never meet??.. What if he leaves me or... What if I will become less important.. To him ... Than his friends or ... What if I can never roleplay with him because he is always busy... I am just sexually craving... And my head feels like its about to split in half ... Andrew i wish you could help me.... Especially when you already helped me with my face condition.. I feel so less than you right now I don't know why i am having these emotional feelings...

Fuck

I don't know what the fuck but my head hurts so damn much... My head hurts so much it feels like its about to split wide fucking open i feel short tempered right now also Andrew seemed so busy that he replied late so I can felt annoyed so before i cursed him out i just told him ill just leave him alone since he is busy... Right now i hate my brothers they keep coming home late and i have to wake up mad late to open the door. Earlier today i went to the mall since 9 or 8 o'clock it was really fun but My friend and her boyfriend left me at the table and went to the bathroom... So i kinda waited for them at the table alone. then when they came back they wanted me to take pictures of them making kissing faces at each other i didn't mind it just made me sad me and Andrew hasn't experience that yet... then time went by and I had a blast I bought my mom a present for her birthday and then we walked around got some sandwiches and eat then my sensei got mad at his bro for family reasons and now he is sort of broke looking for a job on his vacation. Also in that rage a store clerk got fresh with Tiffany and he got jiggy crazy with the guy he looked like he was gonna pop the guys head off ... These love birds are making me laugh

Passing out..

Soon i am going to pass out i feel sick from throwing up from the heat outside my friends boyfriend was walking fast not i feel so damn tired even three minutes my eyes keep closing and i keep falling a sleep :( well anyways i might probably have a my skin disease coming back its hard to even keep my eyes open.... Anyways good night

...sleepy

So i had a great day because I hanged out with tiffany and sensei i got to meet him finally and Andrew met him also... So i think my eyes had a allergic reaction from the juice I drank and now it hurts.. Andrew and me where going to role play then he had to help his friends the only thing i want is for him to do is just to fucking tell me that he is busy and not make me wait... Is that too much.. To ask for?? Anyways other than that I had a fun time with the little time i had with my boyfriend we literally face timed him earlier and then later in the day he saw me spaz the freak out on tiffany.

3hr sleep!!

So i woke up at 5:00 and looked at my ipod and it said "andrew messaged you 45 minutes ago" my sleepy face struggled to get my hands to open the passlock then to my surprise when I apologized to him and then "boom" 5 o'clock he is on the funnyness of this shit is that i am up at 5 in the morning when i just went to bed at 2 in the morning at least i apologized. Ugh i am going back to sleep my stomach is still in pain so i am going to bed.

I noticed...

I notices something that i cut my finger and also now i burned my hands with fire by accident man is today omanis or what ugh!!!!

crappy day

So today I wrote a poem on facebook in my status and I was angry at Jessie and my boyfriend I felt angry so I wrote what I was feeling in this poem...

"When I look at my self in the mirror trying to be free
I feel like the words don't wanna come out...
who can actually understand this disturbed girl? 

My scars are not visible to people unless spoken 
now its time to stitch it up and move away.... from the words that hurt.

I was a bonded and always will be ...
do you really understand my pain?
of wanting to be together? ...
yeah you answer " why you so mad" but can you understand
our memories are fading but the pain that you gave me still resides in me...

rain falls on my back rolls off but not your pain... your pain still resides in me...

you see a girl and she is cheerful as ever is also a girl who cries her self to bed every night for the little friends that she has... and that girl who they considered to be strong is really a fragile freaking girl who just wants a damn friend who... actually loves her...

this girl tries desperately to keep going but yet even to her last breath she won't get the so called "love" She deserves."

Is what the poem said but I dont get myself why am I so depressed and so upset that my boyfriend said that but, I also feel guilty for not talking to him... When he apoligized since ten and then his active on facebook was on 55 minutes ago and then when i try to measage he doesnt message back... I feel so guilty and annoyed at myself that I feel guilty that he apoligized and i didnt talk to him for the whole day....  so now lots of things happened which makes me miserable.. My tummy hurts.. And My hand got cut and it was bleeding like crazy UGH!!!! Anyways I am gonna try to sleep hopefully I can talk to Knight in the morning... -sighs-

Unknown world

what is a friend? I guess their is one person out their who wants to save me and, Keep me in his wings and protect me from getting hurt besides my God and that is Andrew the reason why he refused to do the prank on my friend is because he thought it would hurt me more is what I think and also because he knew that my best friend has been hurting me lately... I don't wanna be close to anyone anymore other than him ... I don't know how to express this feeling but I just wanna be beside him hug him and kiss him.. I know I did something stupid today... and It was only to shut my friends curiosity and I feel like my pain has suddenly vanished because their are things where my boyfriend tell me to give up on and because I am to damn forgiving I always end up letting the people who I call my "best friend" hurt me... and I guess its because I hate what she is doing .... and I HATE IT! ... I don't know why but I just want my boyfriend to cover me in his long arms and just hide me from all my friends go to a unknown world where they can't find me.

My look alike!!!

So my boyfriend went to go eat out with his family and he saw someone who looked like me smile and everything >\\\< I'm  just happy my boyfriend was thinking about me!!! So to commemorate the moment i have proof to show you he called me to tell me about this amazing event that happened

  

Good thing i am not jealous of something like that :) anyways my head is hurting and i feel like i am going to throw up at any minute so see you guys later! 

(♯｀∧´)

I jusy tealized that i dont respect elders which also means my boyfriend i find it very funny that i blasted on andrew ugh its not his fault i just suddenly went bonkers oh the stupidity of hormons dont i wish i can rip it out UGH!!!! My head feels very tight and annoyed -___- fuck!!! 

Annoyed

So i am getting annoyed at the thing called internet wifi the fuck my boyfriends FaceTime  not work so we can hardly talk on FaceTime and now i called his FaceTime 5 times in the next hour he doesn't pick up -eye brows twitching- the fuq COME ON -sighs- so its also been a while but its been a really long time since i started dating my boyfriend I don't  remember what year we where together cause i wanna wish him how many months we where together anniversary like we always do -sighs- but other than that I WANNA RP AND MY BOYFRIEND IS SUCH A UGHHHHH!!!! So here i go trying to call him one more time if he doesn't pick up i am going to play Pokemon for two nights in a row unless he makes hime happy again -pouts-