My inscure feelings that i wanna cry to...

I wanna role play with my boyfriend but now I can't I have nothing to do -sighs- oh well and my friend she looks so busy I wanna cry but I don't know how to talk about my pain I wanna talk about my feelings I wanna cry for once without being judge or given sympathy for but why can't anyone see my true self I put this mask on that I am strong which I just wish people can see that my strong personality comes from the ordeals I had before them which lots of girls comes to me for help but it hurts way to much I just HATE THIS FEELING I think no one will understand me even if they tried ... I wish I would just hurry up and go to go away college and leave here and get my life to be free from all this pain I just hate it...

Problems With Bestie :(

Recently my best friend Jessie has been unsure and insure about her relationship with the person whom she loves and, I get upset because they are meant for each other but it is also up to the boy whom she loves to be patient with her because it is very hard for her to open up she feels very insecure of course because all girls when they get boyfriends they think their not good enough for them so does the boy. But also their comes a point in time where the girl gets enough strength and that love grows from their own planted love that in time their love becomes into something far more great and impenetrable for anyone to break so honestly this blogging is for the boy she likes Jessie is my best friend and also I think of her like a sister I am sorry for being very mean to you maybe it is because i did not trust you as much as I want to but I would like to give you a chance but please do not quit before you get to know her I know you want to know her and it can be frustrating at times but believe me when you get to know the Jessie I know you will not regret knowing her happy sides sad sides evil sides and much more when ever she is in pain she doesn't talk much and when she is upset she refuses to tell me things until I tell her what makes me sad so just talk to her a lot and she will get use to you. pretty much your the first guy she has ever love so it maybe the hardest thing to open up for her but hey I just wanna tell you that you have my blessings and if you want to know anything about her or anything that your unsure of with I will always be here to help you guys that is what I need to be a person who can help her always but I want her to rely more on you instead of me so in other words I want you to have her but don't hog her to your self dude :3

innocency Feelings

I love the fact that I have a friend but not matter how much I talk to her all she ever wants to do is be me... But now she also might have a crush on my boyfriend... I don't know what to do I love him too but I like her friendship to I feel like really crying.. I haven't told my boyfriend of how I feel but maybe I should just stop talking to her so that I won't get hurt by this feeling maybe I am over reacting but I can't stand it her love for him really pains me... and not only that her depression also pains me... but not only that I feel angry every time I see her because it feels like she will betray me.

My Anger...

I don't want to talk anymore I feel like reading speak was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like that book expresses how I feel my mom herself is just hurting me and I just HATE how people in this house think I am self centered because of the fact I told and everyone in this world is just trying to get cash money. this is exactly why I wrote all these words on my folder in class last month...

Love Insuecureity

Lately i have been depressed well its only for today... but I guess you can say I haven't had much courage since I started going out with my new boyfriend, At times I would share my pain but then at times I would laugh and be happy just talking to him but now just being away from him really hurts I don't want him to .... hate me or resent me ... it hurts to much to think of something like he might leave me ... I love talking to him talking about him and other things but I am just a normal human being who gets insecure about things. I wish I was strong enough like the way he is with his love for me ... he is really handsome and I worry lots of times but I wonder if it would be okay for a little while just relax my mind for a while... sometimes my hurt feelings end up over coming me maybe its just me but I really have lots of doubts .... I don't know why I love him so much and I hardly remember anything about him.... I want to remember everything about him ... but I don't know how to I just want to remember lots of things about him so that I won't have to feel depressed about things .... I found so much quotes like "If you don’t understand my silence, how will you understand my words?" and "I miss you so much, missing you is only half the story. Hope the other half is you miss me too"this one makes my heart pain so much "I love you so much with all my love, your the only guy I always will want, you show me your love to me like no one has, you make me blush when you look straight to my eyes, promise me you wont ever leave because without you I’m lost" I am so freaking obssessed and down that I took two freaking love test -____-

Certificate: Test results
How much do you love him?

I love him he is cute but now you are just friends face him take it outside the friendship zone and try your best to make it work good luck


Take this quiz: How much do you love him?

is he the right guy for you?

60% (12 out of 20 Questions Correct)

Facebook quizzes, quiz apps & blog quizzes by

Can someone help ...

Right now I AM VERY PISSED RIGHT NOW WHY CAN"T PEOPLE TREAT EACH OTHER WITH RESPECT???? I am beyond mad because of the fact my dad he does not give my mom respect I might say I love him, but I HATE HOW HE TREATS MY MOM I am annoyed at my brothers they can't even give me the security that they will either protect me or even pick up the FREAKING PHONE WHEN I AM A SLEEP THEY DON"T EVEN PICK UP THE FREAKING PHONE. not only does he pretend like a TWO FACE BITCH HE EVEN CHEATS ON MY MOM IT HURTS ME I CAN"T TAKE IT.

Today...

Today I just felt that my mom was being selfish not only was she not watching tv. She decided on her own that I was the one who broke the remote when my father had dropped the remote plenty of times... I wish one day that I can just go away and not come back because even when I do good in this house I feel unwanted even through the love she gives my siblings she treats my middle brother like a prince now that he has a job and now each of my family members have started to put pressure on me for my regents exam which I hate them for. Last night I had to eat dinner really late and I still have my red eye and all I have is a stuffy nose which all I can see is blood. But in any case her not being mad for one day is like her not completing a day.

9_9Tired ....

I would like to wish everyone a happy good Friday so much has changed about me and I am not even sure you as my readers have noticed but I have finally become love struck again. I have a new boyfriend I want to shout it to the whole world but then sometimes I just wanna keep it inside because of the fact that if it doesn't work out people won't laugh at your mistakes in your relationship. Well as for me I have managed to pull a 80 average for my fourth or fifth marking period in my high school years yea I am alive and well I am not dead. So far I have been investing my time to do my homework even this break I will be busy with homework and going out with my friends I just hope my dad would give me more trust in were I am going >< one thing about parents is if you are the only child of that gender you will be cherished more than the others because your the only of that kind. I have finally even made updated my chat site where I can talk to my friends I am officially using Skype because E-Buddy had technical difficulties in its program. and on a odd topic I feel really weird that I am a freshmen pulling sleepless nights to finish my projects and high school I have come to procrastinate way more now that the marking periods are ending April is my most hated month because of the fact I get sick quickly because of my Allergies and Eczema even through April I feel most of my energy is being drained away and I get tired and lazy quickly I wonder how I can be not tired for longer :( and no napping doesn't help if I take a nap and over nap my head hurts when I get up... -sighs- well I am sorry for everyone who has read through this long entry but I just wanted to update on what is going on in my life.

Anger has reached the limit

early this morning I rode in my dad's car and I asked him to buy me a lock and he was like oh I am tired of buying you a lock "with his usual aditude" So then I was talking with my friend Kevin about my metro card and my chop-sticks getting stolen from gym class and then my dad was like oh I told you to use the clip but lastly did he forget about the fact I have to CHANGE MY CLOTHING IN GYM CLASS??? and then I yelled at him because he was acting like he knew everything he was in the wrong trying to mind other peoples buissness he doesn't solve my problems they get worst and today christine bothered me today AGAIN!!!! I do not know how much I can take so when I got home I was so depressed and stressed I fell a sleep on my bed woke up and couldn't think of anything

Today :)

I am doing a new reasearch paper in my buissness class and the it is so intreasting so I am choosed to research on Chiniese/Japanese Culture and also I picked Engineering and Computer Coding. While doing a research on Japan I found a cool website for shopping Japanese Wear/Figures/ ECT.
http://www.jbox.com/product/KNS202

Sad yet happy....

Well hi people of blogger apparently reading this might be interesting my friend already told me she likes this guy this was the beginning of the school year, I was happy at first but now she just ignored my messages in Facebook maybe I wonder if I should forget about our friendship she is my very special friend but sometimes I too have depressing times that I want to talk about I mean I really do I had dat a person who I thought was a man then It turned out to be a she now I am very upset about that. But I realized I am missing Andrew more and more I miss his voice his face and even when he cheers me up I really can say that I am falling for him and their is another guy who is my friend and he fell for me. In a week o.0 I was surprised. But I am sad I can't talk to Andrew on valintines day :(
Well that is what happened for today thank you for reading oyasuminasi

my new depression.

Hi everyone its been a while I have been really tired recently of the fact that I didn't tell my readers this but the doctor said I have a syst and it might be serious enough for me to have a brain tumor. But hey that's nothing to worry about I guess all the time I cried on this planet is enough but the only thing I want than anything in the world is leave with a peace that my best friend Jessie won't hurt herself but lately she says that I quote "your changing" and things like.... "u say its my turn to talk but when i start u get angry of the topic, so i dont say anything..." To my knowledge I am not changing I am just wondering where in deed did I go wrong was it my fault I told her that "You wasted my dad's car Gas/You wasted my time?" People always say that they love to hear my opinion but in the end they either choose to not follow it or let me talk for the sake of talking when I get mad at a topic its not because of the fact I am mad at you talking about it I am mad at the fact I can't even protect the one I really care about because I am not even in the same school obviously I would get mad but today I got so mad that Jessie said the line "I DO NOT CARE" at a certain point everyone says that but they don't say it to a certain point where it becomes their catch phrase I heard this line from her for only one time and I blew my top off because I too have problems with my family with their arguments I too must zone out all of the arguments from my parents don't you think if I wanted to I could leave by now but I know that won't get me anywhere I am doing my grades for myself I practice what I preach I don't just tell you to do good for the sake of doing

Headache :#

Everything you say or do why do we have to be criticized from head to toe by parents, strangers and people in the whole? Well Ill tell you because it is the natural human nature to judge every little thing that one person does. Anyways thats not what I wanted to write about in today's blogger. I just wanted to write about how my day was, It was pretty good until miss N. came home she was very judge-mental as usual I started got a headache, and a cold as usual I have caught yet again and some other things I really want to cry about but I will not cry. I will try to be strong I have so much work to do I have to type a prototype test for my Romeo & Juliet oral presentation and then I have to make an intro for what the play is about and I did not even start I am slacking again I need to work harder. My true feelings on what I wear now is not because of no one I just love that earring because it looks cool not because of girls who wear long earrings... I have started to write a new story its coming along pretty good so far I might just make a new blogger page for it but I am not sure so I hope that I am able to write this story good and draw the characters how I make them sound out to be other than that I am not sure if I will be able to write in my blogger more often because of the fact I am going to be doing school work and trying to finish my Romeo & Juliet paper it is due this week friday after all and also I might be playing Dissidia 012 so I won't have much time to do anything at all.

Midterm Week :3

Hi so apparently I have been away for so long so I haven't kept this thing updated for a while. So I wanted to state yes I am totally alive and, well but as you can know I am going through another faze which is a heart break. I broke up with my boyfriend who is very nice to me but I broke off with him because he hasn't been talking to me so I broke off with him so I we ended through something as trivial as that I love him still but I don't know if he is still in love with me but oh well. Moving on to my next topic since it was regents week I have never felt so alive because I had so much fun with my friend Jessie we went to a Flushing on Wednesday and we to the K-pop store I saw so much of my favorite bands merchandise O.o I was squealing like a fan girl should be I was so amazed with so much K-pop Items O.o oh yea and I am going back on Monday with my friend Jessie and Jeffrey I can't wait because Jeffrey made me loose my earrings so he is going to buy a new one for me YAY and he has to compensate for the earrings he made me loose which IS REAL GOLD >:( but oh well more cool things for me but my limit is $40 :3 I know what I want already so $50 plus the $40 Jeffrey is giving me is $90 DOLLARS I am able to SPEND YAY > :3 well tah tah I am off to go watch a anime called Jubel-chan

All Good Things Must Come To An END :( ....

Today I went to the Fresh Meadow with jessica. we watched the movie alvin and the chipmunks they where so cute with their tails wagging and they where singing wag your tail back and fourth it was ultimate. But I am sad that the day ended even though we hung out for the whole day LITTERLY THE WHOLE DAY!!! We went to kohls and shopped some clothing and for Thursday where going to Flushing to go shopping and hang out then after that will probally come home and take a nap if where tired I wish this day never finishes but it I have learned that all good things must come to a end..... I really hate the fact it had to come to an end :( .... oh before I leave I had BUBBLE TEA IT WAS GREAT OH MY GOSH SOOOO GREAT >:3

..... Annoying Life.

I first get slammed in the face with a door by my mom. Then I had to walk in the cold without my dad taking me to school. Now I get a DAM zero for a buissness test. Oh

... Today I....

another day I am sick. and I found this website http://cyberakumamechgouki.blogspot.com/

Another Day I am Sick =_________=

Birthday Frustration

*sighs* seven more days until my birthday.... I can't wait until I get to eat out with my friend. and I really can't wait until Saturday either. I want to hang out with my other friend this Sat. because she is taking me out then on my birthday it self my mom might give me cake @W@ maybe... I don't really know :[ I am unable to normally write in my blogger in the night so in the morning I'll write my blogger until I get more time to write my blogger in the night because of the fact I am playing Final Fantasy Dissidia 012. So what I did for the passed week was I talked to Danny (AKA) unkown his user is spelt wrong is what I feel but oh well.... He is so sweet ^w^ but train has been busy with my birthday video gift and stuff so we haven't been roleplaying much and also in my school I have been doing way to much work I don't even think I have time for role playing with train so I hope they ease up on the homework on my birthday >:( ...... and also I have been doing horrible in L.E (Living Enviorment) I got a SIXTY FIVE on one of my homework AND A IN-COMPLETE .... T^T I don't really like my teacher he always nags at me and always gives me bad grades it's not fair....

=__=.....

Today I woke up and I didn't feel like going to school. =__=. But on the bright side I get to go home at 1 and my boyfriend comes home at 3:30 I can't wait to roleplay tonight and also I hope that I can finish my homework on time so that I may roleplay with him.
Later on in the day :#
Stress is building up I can't stand stupid people who don't even get what the
word relax means my boyfriend left to go to a doctors appointment and I am
Pissed at my mom because she said that if I have no homework I shouldn't be
on the computer when I was suppose to be relaxing I am thinking am I a working
freak!!!?? like I got so angry.

Black Friday....

Today in america we call today black friday. I don't like this day so much because some idiot decided to go to a shopping mall where everying is hecktic as H-E-L-L, and he died from a heart attack. Other than that I countinued on with my roleplaying with my boyfriend on messanger and it was so intimnate O/////O .... I don't understand why I couldn't role play more :'(. One more thing I forgot to mention On thanksgiving day I played Final Fantisy, That one my friend kevin let me borrow and also we made a bet if i get my chracters all up to 100 I can get a prize >:3 I am GOING TO WIN MAH HA HA!!

Happy ThanksGiving

Okay first off I wanna wish all the blogger people happy thanksgiving My thanksgiving days off is sweet because my Boy.F Roleplayed all day and I had Pair Drops (my name for it) and I had some fried rice for dinner and also I watched my favorite show after my boyfriend logged off of messanger I went to watch the CSI messanger. Have a safe and Happy Thanks giving especially my bestie who might not recieve this message until she gets a new charger or I might get that for her Christmas and I am still working on trying to figure out where the I can get my job papers ><

Emo Style Gamer look

http://www.zerochan.net/Running?p=4

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Color-Premium-Denim-Jeans-Jeggings-Zipper-Skinny-Pants-/110740598881?pt=US_CSA_WC_Pants&var=&hash=item5f7813dd29

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Color-Premium-Denim-Jeans-Jeggings-Zipper-Skinny-Pants-/110740598881?pt=US_CSA_WC_Pants&var=&hash=item5f7813dd29

Video games ,,,, OwO/ Today Hyper

Its been the fourth day since I started playing Final Fantisy Dissida. I am in love with the game oh my gosh it is ... 1. Intreasting , 2. Challanging and I learned that one of my team mates, Will betray the main character who I am playing as. I am also happy that today my boyfriend is coming back today now we can get to role play all i want without me being sad or depressed. I am soooooo happy YAY I just wanna try yan-yan the candy and ect.

Also my middle brother he is gonna buy me a present with and he calls them gift packages he wants to make up to me and do a so called make up christmas present gift *sighs* oh well Ill try to get along with him until something bad happens if that happens I will be entirly pissed off. (to be continued of today)

Another Day To A Hell Day...

Well last week Friday I cried so much to my friend Jessie how my brother was making me feel stupid and how my mom nagged me about washing the pot and also I tried doing what my mom said which was to forgive my brother because he was going through a lot I am sick and tired of him being pampered and also this morning I found out my dumb pastor didn't write the letter for jessica which caused her to loose her points... I am so upset at that it makes me feel like I made her loose her points but I tried everything... My mom also asked me did you brush you teeth and then I said yes appeartly I said it to fast and she got mad because she thought I said it in a addituded and when she started arguing she argued back so now I am not going home until three thirty so she can go to hell I don't care about her anymore if I spoke to her nicely the first time she thinks I gave her a adittude and I am so pissed off.... I am sick of everyone on my back and when I try to be nice it never seems like I am apreciated. Sorry Jessie that I made you loose some points.

How am I suppose to feel.....

How am I suppose to feel.. I try to express how I felt and then my bestie gets mad CAN I NEVER BE UPSET ARE YOU THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS THE RIGHT TO GET UPSET!!!!!!!!???. For one thing I am stressed out because my mom lost her job so now I am not even able to do the stuff like I used to do like ask my dad for allowance I can't have my allowance and also the worst thing is my dad works three times a week only and that's not enough to help up. I am sad depressed and I know I have my bestie as my friend and I know she is trying her to be a great friend but I .... don't even know anymore. I help her yea but you say how am I great friend well it took like three years to figure out how to treat a friend but why do I feel like I am the only one trying. I know she asked me whats wrong but that day I couldn't even put my finger on it why I was sad or depressed but when my mom came home now I realized why a depression just came over me. I do love my bestie but would it kill you to at least try to be a better friend. I am sorry if I am asking to much Ill keep doing what I do best being a good friend and giving good advise and you can just do what you want I won't force you. don't worry I still love you for who you are not for what you pretend to be because remember I can see through the mask you put up or any mask you try to put up for that matter.

New Bedroom Decorations.....

1.) http://www.ebay.com/itm/VOCALOID2-Anime-Rin-Len-Heart-Pillow-/160665570984?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item25686a0ea8
2.) http://www.ebay.com/itm/Vocaloid-Rin-Len-cute-wallet-purse-anime-cosplay-/180748723474?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item2a1576a512

Wednesday & Thursday Review...

for the whole week I have been neglecting my privilages as a person to blog I am sorry to my friend for not blogging. But yesterday was really fun running around to stores and asking if we can do voulenteer work and the funny part was that they didn't even know what voulenteer work is .... *sighs* and we got turned down seven or eight times in trying I was sad that we didn't get a voulenteer work but I was glad to spend time with my bestie she pulled out a five dollar and bought food she bought food for me I was so happy >.> but the bad part was that sensie was mad at me because I didn't call him to talk to him but I feel left out when he keeps talking about Tiffey I mean I called him to talk about him me and ect. But not about tiffey if I wanted to know I would go to her and asked her also the night before I gave hints to my dad about what happened between me and my brother and my dad was like pray about it. *sighs* I was depressed about it and my friend kevin decided to stay home today I wish I stayed home today and not yesterday and I did not do Wednesdays homework. well thats my blogger review for Wednesday & Thursday. Oh and sorry bestie for not picking up my phone it was in my bag not my pocket so I couldn't pick up.

New Shopping List

Hi everyone so your wondering what I have been doing well I have been checking out what to buy so here is the list of my dream clothing >w<

1.) http://www.ebay.com/itm/New-Women-Round-neck-Skull-Loose-Long-Tops-T-shirt-S126-/270801264457?pt=US_CSA_WC_Shirts_Tops&var=&hash=item84b856fd24#ht_9427wt_987

2.) http://www.ebay.com/itm/New-2-Pcs-Korea-Womens-Turn-Down-Collar-Stylish-Top-T-Shirt-Tops-Blouse-/160652078746?pt=US_CSA_WC_Shirts_Tops&hash=item25679c2e9a#ht_6895wt_1110

3.)http://www.ebay.com/itm/Womens-Gray-Long-Sleeve-Stand-Collar-Tops-T-shirts-S366-/160637185546?pt=US_CSA_WC_Shirts_Tops&var=&hash=item6b1bd94a5f#ht_7016wt_909

4.)http://www.ebay.com/itm/Womens-Long-Sleeve-T-shirt-Top-Mini-Dress-Blouse-Ruff-Neckline-Sexy-2-Colors-/370546769733?pt=US_CSA_WC_Shirts_Tops&var=&hash=item9503edd25a#ht_10143wt_1037

5.)http://www.ebay.com/itm/Korea-Womens-Knitwear-Bow-knot-Black-V-Neck-Knit-Cardigan-Sweater-Long-Tops-T840-/150674458014?pt=US_CSA_WC_Sweaters&hash=item2314e5c59e#ht_5217wt_1110

6.)http://www.ebay.com/itm/NEW-Trendy-Womens-Batty-Short-Sleeve-Loose-Knitting-Sweater-Outerwear-Beige-4003-/270838843992?pt=US_CSA_WC_Sweaters&hash=item3f0f40ca58#ht_8634wt_1110

7.)http://www.ebay.com/itm/Fashion-Womens-Sleeves-Demitoilet-Chiffon-Ruffle-Bowknot-Mini-Dress-/150659850567?pt=US_CSA_WC_Dresses&hash=item231406e147

8.)http://www.ebay.com/itm/Fashion-Stretch-Over-Knee-Women-Leisure-Long-Riding-Low-Heel-Boots-Shoes-H14-/360402040958?pt=AU_Women_Shoes&var=&hash=item92b04098ea#ht_7495wt_1110

9.)http://www.ebay.com/itm/Fashion-Red-Skull-Pullover-Knit-Knitting-Knitwear-Sweater-Women-Girls-Trendy-New-/180738939185?pt=US_CSA_WC_Sweaters&hash=item2a14e15931#ht_6401wt_1110

Today...

Hi everyone today I found out some bad news my boyfriend is going on one of though's cruz's for two weeks and I am kinda gonna feel lonely so to make up for it I am going to hang out with my friend if she is not busy for the two weeks he is not here he is gonna come back on the twenty first or the twenty second and I am supper sad about it but I am trying not to be sad. The good news is he said he will buy me a stuff dolphin for me ^w^ I love the idea of my boyfriend buying me a dolphin >///< so I can go to sleep with it in the night. In history (strawberry) talked to me normally he didn't seem scary so I made a great friend he dressed up as Joker for halloween XD and he had eye liner stuck on his face and had no idea how to take it off so I laughed at him the whole class period also their was this guy picking on my friend so I sat in his seat and told him to back off and scram so he did and then he was cursing me out and I was like listen don't curse me out then cursed right back at him so yea. well I am off to do my homework Ill right later some more things when I get a chance :3